Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Half Way Mark 2

what can i say, i just got my ass handed to me over and over again the last 4 or 5 months.  it's funny how you get set in a routine, a structured schedule.  i have a tendency that when i get a grip on something and it becomes routine, i get angry that shit is changing.  i'm going along, life is fine, saving money, getting everything paid, fixing up things that need a fixin, etc, the joys of monotony and the daily grind.  then BAM!  "FUCK YOU!" life says, "I'm Going A Completely Different Direction Now!"

not to be a debbie downer, but i'm gonna kinda focus on what's been fucked up lately for a minute.  i just realized that i do this a lot, thinking back on it, i don't see someone for a while and then when i do see them i got some crazy story about this thing that happened to me lately, and it's so ridiculously over the top, like wtf this happens to people? kind of thing, and depressing, that the whole time it must seem like i'm just complaining.  i guess i just thought i was telling a story, but to somebody who's not me it must seem like... i dunno, like i'm siphoning off their soul slowly by telling them this story, rofl, or something.  it's never a short story either, one thing leads to another leads to another, and they usually have to get going, but i keep pulling em back in with the situation that happened right After the one i'm currently talking about.

But then i realize that i'm minnesotan.  and i hear other people doing this as well.  i ask somebody how their day is and it's like "Man i just got laid off from my job and my dog bit my neighbor and may have to be put to sleep and it's so hot i have no air conditioning.  hopefully i'll get my fan to work later, it's been acting up lately, it happened because my drunk friend fell on it, after he puked on the blanket my great grandmother has passed down for generations, she died of emphysema.  she worked at the first car factory, until the great depression came along and the plant blew up and she couldn't find work anywhere else.  man when are we gonna get some rain, the crops sure could use it, man i love that dog, my mother wants me to go back to school.  well seeya!"

ok ok it's not that ridiculous but it always seems to be the bad things that are happening to them that day or something else trivially wrong with their lives, like "i woke up and my car overheated and i had to walk two miles to get here."  rofl

oh well, i guess we feel like we need to be interesting, and bad stuff is always more interesting than how awesome the article that mentions you in the City Pages is or how long you get to go on vacation in Japan for.  bleh you happy people make me sick.

well the year started out great.  i met this cool girl, we hung out a lot, and had a lot of fun.  it was all downhill from there.

2 hard drives crashed within 2 months, 1 brand new, the other about 2 years old.  the 2 year old one gone:  bam goodbye 8 years of your life.  how's it feel to be raped?  what you need 1500-5000 dollars to get me fixed?  (nelson laugh) ha-ha.  second one must of been the first ones brother:  o you think you're in the clear with a external cooling box and a brand new hard drive?  R to the O to the motherfucking FL.  yah yah put all your stuff on there, that's cool.  BAM!  o, now i'm dead to, sorry, didn't see that coming did you, man that must just suck.

to be honest most of the 8 years can and has been recovered.  but i lost some fucking shit.  damn.  i had like 500ish pictures.  i got most online, but all the photoshop files in case i want to edit them, little shit like that.  a ton of stuff i can get back at anytime, liek games and movies etc.  i had just finished my album, and actually had just started burning the individual tracks to disk to be mastered, i finished the first one and then my computer restarted itself, gave me a bunch of troubles, and that's when i heard the drive clicking and kinda thumping.  i got the final songs done, but all the reason files were on that disk, including all the wavs that comprised the songs, fuck if i know if i can get any of that back again.  i lost all my music videos and music video footage.  i don't have those anywhere else, unless i can find a downloader for myspace or megavideo, cause on youtube the audio's off sync.  and then it would be shitty low rez, whats even the point.  i guess those will live as long as myspace lives.  man i lost a lot of shit, 4 gigs worth of info, a lot of it games and movies, but a lot of it stuff... like, i really needed man.  fuck!

i got super down about it, and many other things that happened:  our landlords have taken us to court a few times now, i dunno my roommate like is either lying to me or my landlords are.  or i'm getting just half stories.  i dunno, but i've had to help pay all these fees over it.  then they towed my car, outside the city, which is illegal, to the town of Savage, bumfuck nowhere, 50 minutes in heavy traffic through like the most hardcore road construction i've ever seen, seriously i dunno what they are trying to accomplish over there, but it's working.  it looks like a fucking eight lane overpass or some shit, its like a graveyard of concrete ramparts and steel girder skeletons, like by traveling to Savage you get teleported to some crazed lord of the rings castle/battlefield.  the thing that was most amusing is i called them 3 times, the third literally asking everything i had to bring with me to get my car out.  i asked them what time they would close and they said 5 and i said i will be there before 5.... when i get there those motherfuckers had sent out a certified letter telling me where my car was, charging me another 20 dollars on top of the 260.  it cost that much because Nowhere Anywhere was there posted the place they tow it to, not on their website, not in their little handbook, i called their emergency number and the bitch wouldn't find out for me, i called all the big names in towing around here, i called the impound lot, i called the cops, i called 311, i called 911 - yes i literally reported it stolen.  they told me to wait til monday to find out from my landlords.  i called the landlords, the lady that rented me the place, even the owner of the company at his house phone (i r tricky!), it wasn't on their roofing website, i went to an online yellow pages and went down the fucking list of tow companies in the twin cities.  of course savage didn't show up.  it was absolutely ridiculous, i spent like 3 hours searching for my car, i used my phone more in 3 hours than i had all year.  ffs!  well we worked out some sort of deal, most likely because they knew exactly that they shouldn't of done that.  and the next time they were gonna clean the back lot and put out a notice, they put the address to where to cars were towed to - and they still had fucking savage minnesota listed there.  what stupid motherfuckers.

so my roommate.  nice guy, he was pretty cool, i didn't know at first, but once i got used to him i had some fun, we recorded some vocals and stuff, and sat around and watched a lot of UFC.  that's something i thought i'd never like, but goddammit that shit is cool.  nothing like a good fight.  anyways, things were great until this girl started hanging about, she didn't know anybody else so she just hung out here.  and then they hooked up.  and then she moved in.  which you know i'd really like to be nice here and sugarcoat it all, and i thought i could totally cope with it, but i dunno i guess shit just wears on you, wears you down.  anyways, they knocked off 200 dollars from my rent, which was cool.  but they knocked off 200 dollars from my rent because she brought 3 cats, a shitload of clothes and other garbage, like she had enough shit for an entire house, and a love of attaching fake hair to her head.  to this day red and black plastic-y stripper hair balls roll about in a corner or two like dust balls across a desert plain.  the shit got everywhere.  she was constantly putting that shit in.  and you know, to tell you the truth, in all my years i would Never have thought that one of my pet peeves would be somebody who compulsively ocd-like attaches fake hair to their own hair, then takes it out, and puts new hair in.  Nope.  Never thought that would be an issue.  ROFL, let me just say this to all of you who never had the pleasure of living with somebody that meticulously maintains a weave:  i think i'd rather cut my own throat than deal with something as ridiculous as this little pastime of hers got.  i went over to the girl i was seeing's apartment, and she had a couple cats.  and like half way through the movie she's like 'what are you playing with cat?' and it was like 30 strands of black and red hair that was loose on one end but tied up tightly in a ball on the other end, and it was playing with it in the middle of the floor.  how the fuck did it get there?  my roommates girlfriend never went over there.  did it somehow attach itself to me before i left?  then why didn't i notice this giant plastic monstrosity her fat cat was now having the time of it's life with stuck to me?  like 2 minutes later the damn cat ate the thing, and started choking a bit, but i think he got it down.  that must of been delicious, something that would remind a cat of no food it's ever had or even feels instinctively to have.  like meat fish, i could understand this, give a cat cat food all it's life, and it would most likely eat a fish if you put the fish down instead of the cat food.  because even though it's never had fish, it's instinct most likely tells it 'i bet this shit won't be half bad!'  but plastic weave hair?  wtf kind of instinct does this cat have?  is it retarded?

i think my roommates girlfriend's one cat was retarded.  he was like 8 and would lick the back of his legs so much that the hair would be licked clean off!  rofl it was funny 2 big bald spot patches on it's back.  the other one ran away and hid if you even so much as looked at it, and the last one was a little princess, 5 years old and looked no older or bigger than 6 or 8 months, it was like a runt or something, it was freaking adorable but it's like it knew it and acted totally like a little princess, would always complain when you petted it, didn't like to be held, didn't like anybody.  what a little bitch that cat was.

and she had a ton of shit, like everywhere.  i just totally didn't think it was going to be that big of deal.  those two proceeded to destroy the apartment, well not literally, but yah literally.  fucking would cook every night, and leave plates and dishes all over the place.  and were always watching tv, and both were super add, like one would talk, then the other would talk, then a 5 second lull, then repeat, so watching a show or a movie was impossible, you would get 10 seconds in and in the frame the camera was slowly panning to the side in a forest, so there's all these trees, and he would say 'man that's a big tree.  a really big tree' and she would say 'that reminds me of a tree when i was younger' and it would be all over from there.  well fuck this movie.

well the dude worked at this gas station and he was really good at his job, but he got caught on camera printing out phone cards and then handing it to his girlfriend, right on there, with 5 cameras pointing at you.  he says he paid for them, but the figures don't match at all, i mean there's such things as electronic records nowadays, especially for things that are essential for the part of the business they offer - money, like how much people bought and how much are owed to them in payment for the service they provided.  wtf, htf, i mean omg.  i think i'm rambling now, getting tired.

anyways he got fired.  my day shift position reopened because the guy who was supposed to be trained as a manager and do the duties for my boss went back to school.  dude's got a freakin masters in english why the fuck did he work here in the first place?  i mean did you seriously think that he would of wanted to run the store when he's got a fucking masters in english?  yah.  so i got that back.  working days 6am -3 pm not bad, usually monday-friday, nice long and dirty week proceeded quickly by a hot lathery weekend of mayhem.

anyways dude said he could walk into any super america and they would have him on record and hire him on the spot, but first he decided to take a couple weeks off.  granted, while he was working full time the girl was totally living off him (leeching more like), he was barely paying rent cause he was buying stuff for 2 people all the time, imagine all your bad habits x2 - yah that would suck.  so since she just got a job making more than what he made she could support him for a few months, which she seemed to be cool with.  ok so no road bumps there.  she's moved in, her cats get along with my cats, at least one of them has a job, nobody's stealing my shit, everything's cool with me on that.

i want to get this over with so i can go to sleep, i'm totally going off on tangents.  ok, so she was incredibly insecure as well, rofl, and like totally out of her mind.  so they would get in fights if he even glanced at a girl on the tv.  she would get in a fight with him if a girl would look at him and he didn't even notice or look at her.  i mean she would go nuts and she broke his laptop and she called the cops and threatened to kill herself and they would be screaming and stomping up and down the hall all night.  and then when i would come home and she wasn't there he would tell me how crazy she was and what crazy thing she was doing now, like he didn't know what to do, and he'd have this look on his face like sheer terror, like he was afraid for his life.  they would break up and get back together.  it was fucked.  girl you love to hate (and vice versa)

and she would lose everything - ROFL, i had to put that in, but she would call somebody on her cell phone and then lose it 30 seconds later, like she was an unwilling David Blaine.  i can't believe she made it this far in life.

so to make a long story short (too late!) there was a knock on the door, i went to answer, i got served papers, they owed 1000 dollars, which could be paid before the court date to avoid the court.  they said they would take care of it, then frantically sold all kinds of stuff to pawn shops etc, and he even sold me his 16 track digital audio recorder with cd-rw built in!  and a condenser mic because the pawn shop was going to only give him 160 for it so i got it for 200 + the mic, was worth 1200 brand new or at least that's what he (the guy selling it to me) said (rofl i'm so trustworthy.)  i even put in an extra 50 bucks to help them.  so like then the girl lost her job by crushing 2 wedding cakes - not one wedding cake, oh no..  it was 2 fucking wedding cakes ROFL.  and those fuckers didn't pay the 1000 dollars, and they didn't even wake up until 3pm on the court date.  i didn't know anything about it, but the land lady came over that night and handed my roommate the phone and then he handed it to me and she was all like 'You guys owe me 2000 dollars now where's my money?  i'm getting sick of this and i'm seriously considering throwing you out!'  they didn't fucking pay it!  wtf!?!  where did my 250 go?  that's 1/4 of the money you owed, you motherfuckers, you could of totally paid it, ask your fucking dad for a loan jesus fucking christ what's wrong with people these days?!  to be fair it included June's rent, so i gave them my check ($272.50 cause they took care of 200 more of it because of his live in psychopath)  but they still owed 1700, so i told them to go out and look for jobs, take anything and get something better later.  i said that he said he could walk into any super america and they would hire him like a snap of the fingers, and he said they never called him back.  i asked her what happened to her job and she said she lost it, didn't tell me til After the fucking court date!  i asked how and she said 'i crushed a couple wedding cakes' and i swear to god, i literally said 'o' but was thinking a giant R-O-F-L in my head, like i spelled out the letters, shows how big of a dork i am, but it really perfectly summed up the proper response to 'i crushed not one but more than one wedding cake'  how could the fucking thing that fucked us all be so fucking hilarious?

i seriously feel like i'm living in a sitcom or something sometimes, all this weird shit happens all the time, like things no one could even have the foresight to see.  i wish i had 50 cameras following me around on record all the time.  i can't even believe most of this as i'm typing it out.  it hurts but at the same time it's too damn funny.

so get this:  i was working on saturday, and a friend of theirs comes through and says, 'So are you moving to Michigan too?'
and i'm like, 'what?'
and she's like, 'are you moving to Michigan?'
and i say, 'no.....      who's moving to Michigan?'
and she says, 'nobody, i dunno...'  like can this get any more Family Ties-ish?
and i think 'those motherfuckers....'

i go home, and all their shit is packed in black garbage bags.  i pound on the door to the dude's room, she's on my phone (FUCKING AGAIN) - o yah, she was always on my phone... - he comes out shirtless and sweaty and looks like he'd been crying and even looked like he was hyperventilating - a complete mess, and i say 'dude are you moving to Michigan?' and he says 'I don't want to, why would i leave my friends and family for this shit' and points at her (just blab blab blabbin away.)  then he goes in his room, i go in my room, i don't really know what to say.  i go to sleep that night, wake up, go to work, come home and everything is gone.  totally up and left me.  not even a goodbye.

3 things stand out tho - they cleaned everything, which they never did, they didn't steal any of my shit, which they totally could of if they were about to totally burn all bridges with me, why not steal (take that digital recorder back, my computer speakers, etc)  and he left a note saying he was going to go work for her dad, and send money and come back to help clean.  should i believe this?  do i have the time to believe this?  or should i start searching for another place to stay?  what about the lease and all the money they owe?  would i have to pay it?  if i got a new roommate would he have to jump through a ton of hoops to live here for 4 more months?  wtf should i do?  i know, i'll go on the internet and -

last tuesday i came home from work and they had shut off my power.  the bill was 1000 dollars.  i had been bugging those guys for months about it, it was either next paycheck or one of us would forget, it's my fault too, but why couldn't it of happened 2 months ago when they had jobs.  fuck!  i had to pay all of it to get my shit back on too!

i tried calling their dad - the only phone number i knew that had remotely a chance of getting a hold of them - and i had that only cause it was on the caller ID, and he told me he'd have them call me.  they never called me.  i tried their dad 4 more times - it went to voicemail every time.  wtf am i supposed to tell my landlord?!  i know, i'll go on the internet and -

this monday i came home and the fucking cable/phone/internet was turned off.  i expect it to be normal comcast ridiculousness like 150 or so and i get there and its 215.  would you like to know why?!?  because those fuckers ordered a bunch of movies and a UFC pay per view.  this totally sapped me dry, i just by chance had 220 left to my name, and just by chance had it on me, or i would have to come all the way back to get more and go all the way back again.  it was the slimmest stroke of luck to an already shitty fucking week.

this shit happens in 3s right?!  so it's over right!?  oh my fucking god plz let it be over.

i do have one last story that could of been in a marx brothers movie:  aaron vs the toilet.   so our toilet wasn't flushing well, and that's because we rigged the stopper in the back tank with string cause the normal line broke.  and the fucking thing wouldn't go all the way down sometimes so the bowl would continually run and run and run and then wouldn't flush properly.  so there's like a 2 inch gap between the back of the toilet and the wall.  i picked up the porcelain top thingy, and set it at an angle in the gap, so like it was leaning up enough supported by the wall and the back of the tank (hard to explain, but that's what it was like.)   i tried adjusting the arm of the thing in the back tank, the thing that holds the metal stopper and has a hose running into it to fill the tank.  the fucking thing breaks off in my hand.  i'm like - "AW FUCK" and like try to readjust it back into position so the break points are flush against each other - like that's gonna fucking magically repair it rofl!  now the top of the toilet bowl is up, and me jiggling around back there must of disturbed it enough to fall down.  so it fell, and this must of created some kind of vibration in the toilet, enough for the porcelain lid that was at an angle to reposition itself to a 90 degree angle and promptly fucking fall down behind the toilet into the gap.  this, in turn, hit the fucking pipe connecting the water to the toilet, rattling it hard enough that this brown piece of plastic that covered the point where 2 pipes formed a juncture, broke out at the bottom and caused water to start spraying out, and i'm talking like gushing in all directions, a fucking monsoon in the bathroom.  now why is it that our first inclination is to always put our hand over where the water is coming from!?  rofl, that's what i did, creating more pressure that caused it to start spraying out in random directions, whichever way my hands guided it.  i was getting soaked, the floor was getting soaked, the bath mat, every fucking thing, and water started seeping out into the hallway.  this was all in the span of maybe 5-10 seconds, an incredible display of water fireworks, like gallons poured out in that short of time rofl.  i finally figured out it was the brown plastic stopper thingy that was broken and found the shut off valve.  the icing on the cake:  on it's way down, after it hit the pipe, that redirected the force on the porcelain top.  this made one end go down first, and the fucking thing cracked right down the middle.  rofl in 5 minutes i completely destroyed that toilet.  but in 5 minutes it completely destroyed the bathroom.  i think it was a tie....

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